


Back when? Before you loved me.

by SpookyStrawberrySkeleton



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x18 hurt so here’s a little bit of season 4 / early 5, Dean is upset but hey Cas saves the day, Hi it me, M/M, this one is a little rough I think, yes I wrote this in like an hour so it’s super sappy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:15:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27488692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpookyStrawberrySkeleton/pseuds/SpookyStrawberrySkeleton
Summary: Coming out here to get out of the house earlier that morning he had to get away from Bobby and his brother. He needed someone to talk to, he decided Cas would be a good idea, the only one he had left.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 9





	Back when? Before you loved me.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi it’s been a hot minute but I’m back :) 
> 
> This ones a little rough around the edges but I’ve had this idea since I seen 15x18 
> 
> Tell me what you think :) <3 I appreciate everyone who reads it

They met in the junkyard, not where they had originally planned or really planned at all, but it’swhere it all happened. Dean stayed out there all day and half that night prying and yelling out to Cas. He had no idea if he heard him or cared, but here he was, under the pale moonlight and a dim yellow light post all alone. 

Coming out here to get out of the house earlier that morning he had to get away from Bobby and his brother. He needed someone to talk to, he decided Cas would be a good idea, the only one he had left. 

“Cas, hey can you uh. You got your ears on? I need to talk to you, it would be nice to actually see you.” 

After about an hour of praying in the random busted up blue Ford truck Dean thought maybe it was dumb to think Cas would want to talk him anyway. He went back inside and decided to catch up on whatever lore book he cast his eyes on first. After the thoughts of being alone really, really got to him he decided to take a few beers back out to the farthest part of the lot and have a second go. 

“Castiel? Come on please? I need you here, I feel like I’m going insane.” 

By then the sun was going down and the sky had reached that blue, pinkish purple and yellow color he always enjoyed looking at. The beers he brought out had made him feel comfortable but still feeling so much alone. 

He felt like crying actually. Laying on whatever truck bed was the most intact had him searching whatever good thoughts he had. But in the end he couldn’t think of any, his brother wasn’t really there anymore and Bobby, he wouldn’t understand. 

When Dean was finally ready to give up, he dried his eyes and took a deep breath with his head towards the sky. 

“Okay.” He rubbed his forehead with the palm of his hand making his way to the back of his neck, “I can’t, I’m gonna.. scream, hell.” 

“Dean?” That, that voice. 

“God” he whispered “ _ finally _ . I’ve been out here for hours screaming myself horse.” 

“Well, I’m here now.” Came the angels blunt, emotionless reply. 

“Yeah, I see that.” Deans weak smile didn’t hide much. ”I needed to talk to you.” 

He picked himself up off the backend of the truck and slid forward as Cas met him halfway and stood in the way of Dean fully getting out of the truck bed. 

“Are you alright?” Cas tilted his head as his curiosity got the better of him. 

Over the many months they knew each other Dean picked up on the tales the angel had. If he straightened up and clenched his jaw he was getting pissed off but knew better than to say anything. If he tilted his head his true nature came out, he was still an angel so he lacked the compassion and restraint of a human but he was trying nonetheless. 

“Yeah.” Dean slowly blinked and decided lying to someone who could already read you like a book was wrong so as his eyes were still closed to keep his tears back he shook his head, a silent no that told everything. 

“What’s wrong?” The angel laid his hand on deans leg as if telling him he was wanting to understand what was wrong. 

“I” Dean smiled as if it was the most painful thing he has ever done, “Cas I can’t do this.” 

He straightened his legs and decided he needed to stand. Cas got the message and moved back giving him space. “I can help you, if you tell me what’s wrong.” 

Dean was doing what he always did with sadness, turned it into anger. 

“There’s nothing, fucking damn it!” He brought his fist down on a glass window. The high pitchedscream of glass breaking and deans quick moment made Cas jump and grab dean by the arm. He spun Dean around into a very quick hug. Deans hand was bleeding and they both knew that was the least of their problems. 

“Talk to me, Dean please something is wrong. If nothing was wrong you wouldn’t have been out here all night.” 

He slowly let Dean go and backed up only a little step.

“You heard me?” The little break in his voice, true and absolute pain from his eyes. 

Cas took a breath and nodded, “I would have come when you first asked me if I heard you. I couldn’t get away from the others.” 

Cas could tell that Dean was trying to keep his anger under control and understand why he couldn’t come but could also see that he definitely didn’t. 

“Please talk to me.” He whispered 

Dean paced for a second before walking away from Cas and further into the dark corner of the junkyard. Maybe to stay out of the light or away from the noise he created. Cas of course followed him like Dean was a creature he was afraid to scare away, light steps and careful moments. 

“Cas I’m not sure if I can, I’m not even sure what’s wrong.” Deans emotions finally let him speak. 

“You seem very overwhelmed with emotions. Your brother for instant isn’t doing well and it’s bothering you.” 

The angels way of not sugar coating anything made Dean actually laugh. 

“I feel like I’m losing my mind here, Sammy isn’t getting better- actually worse and I can’t do anything about it.” 

Cas stood in front of the hunter, catching his eyes with his own brining them both back up. 

“But there’s something else? Your brothers condition is why you’re upset yes, but not all of it.” 

Dean waited for a moment as he thought of how he wanted to word this one, “why do you care so much for me? You never did back then, a few months ago I mean.” 

“Back then, that was before.” 

Cas knew, at that moment why the other was so upset. He was confused, Dean wanted answers for the small glances. The short but noticed touches and stares. The things that Uriel had told Dean about Cas, everything. 

“Before you loved me?” 

There it was, out in the open. Those little words hung out in the air with such determination yet fear was clinging onto every emotion. 

“Before I knew what happened, I saved you from hell but you showed me there was more to you than just what heaven wanted. I admit I wasn’t sure what I felt, but now. Now, yes, before.” 

Dean was struck, he didn’t know how to feel or react. His friend, an angel just admitted that he loved him. He did know that staring like he was isn’t helping. 

“Cas I know this life, the one that brought me so much pain and loss doesn’t let us get close to anyone. It’s hard enough to keep Sam alive. But I know you’re different. You make me feel things differently, and maybe for the first time in my life I’m not afraid of losing someone I love.” 

Cas smiled, actually smiled and looked at Dean as if the world was right there in front of him, for Cas that was probably true. “I am happy we had this talk Dean, I believe we both needed to hear it.” 

At that moment they both heard footsteps coming towards them, Dean also heard the quick snap of the angels fingers and felt something being rushed into his jacket pocket. The mumbled voice of Bobby came around the dark corner. 

“Dean?” He smelled of gunpowder and rock salt, “who are you talking to, better question why the hell you out here so late?” 

Dean turned back around to see the gate and nothing else, smiling and shook his head. “No reason, I just needed to clear my head for a while.” 

“Well it’s freezing out here, come on before you get sick and help me with making ammo. We have an apocalypse to plan for.” 

“Sure thing, I’ll catch up in a second.” 

Bobby mumbled something under his breath and sure enough he walked away. Dean felt in his jacket where Cas had appeared a small folded sheet of paper. 

In his writing; “ _I’ll come back later tonight, don’t wait up_.” 

The timing and place maybe have been screwed as the end of the world was coming and here in Bobby’s junkyard may not have been the place either of them thought a confession like this would happen. But hey, it turned out just fine. 


End file.
